I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
