Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
