Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
