last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
