We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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