Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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