You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
