On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hippo gnu deer
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
