im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
