she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
