yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
