he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
