my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just had sex on a roof
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
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