I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
