Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
