ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
