i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
