:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
