i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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