Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
