i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
