I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In other news, I just burned my penis
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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