Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
sex in a hospital.. check
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
