your room smells of hookers.
And success
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
