i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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