So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
