this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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