We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
