I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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