epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
