Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
