The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
40s are totally the cure
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize