Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
