she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
