Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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