whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I am midnight drunk by noon
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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