walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
