so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
