Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
