Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
