Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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