This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
