Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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