You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
