No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
