M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
