he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
