Where is the hickey?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
