I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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