It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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