Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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